One Year

Can you believe that it has been a whole year since the stroke? I can't decided if it has been a long year or a short one?

"Nice try stroke, but I'm still here."

"I had a stroke what's your excuse?"

Thanks for the funny hoodies mom.

Just so you know stroke humor is crazy hard to come by.

I've found that doctors love to explain things by comparing them to fruit. They told me that a human brain is about the size of a large grapefruit. It's embarrassing to say, but I've held more human brains (thank you anatomy and physiology) than grapefruit so I'll just have to take their word for it. The part of my brain that was damaged was about the size of a plum. That's a big percentage of brain! If someone stole a chunk of my grapefruit the size of a plum I think I would notice.

I love watching those videos to see how far my speech has come.

I've had lots to relearn. It's still a struggle to swallow, and talking sometimes takes concentration. I can't hold onto information like I could before, most of my left side feels like it just got back from the dentist, my hand fights me every ASL class, and I keep getting disoriented around campus. There is more I could list that remind me every single day that I've had a stroke, but the list of blessing is much longer.

People keep telling me I'm "such a fighter," which makes me laugh. It's important to me that you know I'm not particularly strong or persistent. I was given strength that was not my own and gifts of healing I don't deserve. Everything I've gotten back has been a blessing and I couldn't have done it on my own.

I've been surrounded by good people who've encouraged me and loved me through all of this. So many of you have become angels in my eyes.

I've been going over some of the blessings that came with the stroke and I'm in awe.

• It's easier to be happy and I laugh more often.
• I've found I'm more capable then I ever supposed.
• I've felt a closeness to our savior and I rely on my faith more.
• I got to spend extra time with my family
  
• I'm able to do most everything I did before the stroke.
• I've gotten an inside look at what it would be like to be an SLP.
• I got to ride in a helicopter :)
• I got the coolest nick-name ever "stroke jade" I'm not kidding that is what my medical bracelet said. I think it's going to replace Cocoa motion.... you didn't know that was my nickname?

I would list more but it could go on for pages.

One thing I really do miss though is being able to fake a smile. My fake smile just looks like a lopsided grimace. Who would have thought I'd miss being able to lie with my face.

I still use the X-Jet(power chair) around school. Without it I would be blacking out lots more. The X-Jet is such a lifesaver.

The hole in my heart is still leaking but not nearly as much as before.

The pacemaker is wonderful. If I were allowed I would go and get myself another one in a heartbeat. (Ha-ha.)

The Eye doc says that the glaucoma has advanced but not enough that we need to start treatment. Whew!

I am in he midst of a rather difficult semester. I am exhausted, stressed, and for some inexplicable reason I still love all my classes.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm doing good.

PS I thought I would share this link with you about stroke awareness. Why? Because it made me laugh. I haven't seen a stroke awareness add that doesn't totally crack me up there is even one that teaches you to do a dance called "the stroke" I don't want to ruin it for you should you look it up but it involves you pulling half your face down and swinging one of your arms around all limp. Sound awesome right? Oh boy I will just give you the link it's too funny leave off.

What?

I have recently learned a few things that have been very disconcerting

First, the great wall of China is actually the great walls of China. There are multiple unconnected sections built during different dynasties, and whats WORSE is you cannot see the great walls of china from space! What?

Next, Haagen-Dazs a logo for a delicious ice cream brand doesn't actually mean anything. The founders made the word up deliberately trying to trick us into thinking it was a Scandinavian product. Good lie though, Scandinavian ice cream does sound like it would be especially tasty.

I know it's upsetting but celery, that green, fibrous, tasteless stick everyone eats when they diet is not actually negative in calories. Yup I'm pretty mad about that.

Finally, remember that cute, shy, nun from sister act, whose voice is so great? Brace yourself, it is a lie she was lip syncing. I spent my childhood loving that nun and her voice . Sister Mary Robert I feel so betrayed.

That family that breaks a hotel bed together stays together?

If you know my mom then you'll know these were all her idea. Pretty great right?

Most Mom's say don't jump on the bed you'll fall and break your head. My mom says, "Me first!"

The best Christmas tradition ever.

My favorite Christmas tradition is called the Christmas ball. This tradition comes from Marian D Hanks. My great grandfather served a mission with President Hanks and incorporated this Hanks tradition into our own Christmas celebrations.

We do the Christmas ball on Christmas eve. Everyone sits in a big circle on the floor and we start to roll the ball.

The ball used to be rolls of paper towels with a prize taped to each square but now we use beautiful material balls my Aunt made. Each pocket has a prize something like; gum, pencils, whistles, dish clothes, (I hated getting dish clothes as a kid) gift cards, and the occasional number.

The numbers are the best prizes, they mean you'll get a BIG prize after the ball is over. There are also papers in some of the pockets and they usually tell you to do something like sing "Jingle Bells," or hand your prize to the person next to you. These papers usually crack me up so long as I'm not the one who finds them in my pocket.

The big prizes that come with the numbers are usually the most exciting part. Your number might get you something fantastic like a bottle of sparkling cider, makeup, a candle, and once I even got an Mp3 player. There are also prizes that kind of stink like; a Chicago Bears wall clock, a solar powered pocket calculator, or jumper cables (which I later found out didn't work very well at all), etc.

The Christmas ball is the best! Even if you're the one to end up writing your name with your hips in front of everybody and win a glasses case as your prize. It's odds on, that you'll have fun being with your family, laugh lots and at least get a dish clothe or two out of it, which I no longer dread and totally hope I get.

The Empty Shoe

At Christmas time My Aunt will write a Christmas story and send it out to us. I always look forward to them. There was one special story that touched my heart so much that I've thought about it every Christmas since, and this year I thought I'd share it with you.

The Empty Shoe

It wasn't easy for any of us but it was definitely hardestfor Anna when Joshua and Amber moved in. Josh and Amber were foster children who were living with us. Anna was the baby of our family, though no one had dared call her a baby for a long time. She was five, so was Joshua. Amber was six.

Josh and Amber had come from a bad situation. We had to teach them all sorts of things that most kids their age already know. They didn't know what dresser drawers were for or how to hang clothes in a closet. They didn't know how to make a bed, they didn't even know how to get into a bed – under the covers, between the sheets. They thought toothpaste was to eat like candy. They accused Mom of stealing their clothes when she gathered them up to put them in the laundry.

There were other things we tried to teach them. They thought that whoever yelled the loudest was right. Josh especially, seemed to think that hitting was the most effective form of communication. It was not easy to live with Josh and Amber. You never knew what Amber was going to say or do, but with Joshua at least he was consistent. You know he'd hit you.

By December things were calming down – a little bit. Amber only shrieked about once a day. Joshua wasn't swearing or spitting much and instead of screaming, “You need to shut up your fat face you fatty!” he bellowed “Pleeeeeeease be quiet!”

But he still hit. He'd walk by and bop you just because he didn't like the way you looked. Anna had it the worst. Joshua was really mad that she was older than he was – a whole two months. And since she was the only one in the house smaller than he was – he smacked her every time he got close to her.

We were getting ready for Christmas. Joshua and Amber liked the decorations, they loved the music. They were nuts over the presents and the tree. They were a little confused about the Christmas stockings, they'd never had any before. But they felt better about them when they learned that they didn't have to wear them. I must admit my brothers and sisters (and I) found a great deal of delight in telling them about Santa and his elves who were watching and that naughty children wouldn't get anything for Christmas. Most of the time Joshua would just glare and say, “ I don't care.” But I did overhear him asking Mom if she thought Santa would bring him something.

One of our traditions is St Nicholas Eve. On December the 5^th, before we go to bed, we each set out one of our shoes. Inside of it we leave our letter for Santa Claus and a carrot for his reindeer. The next morning the letters and carrots are gone and our shoes are filled with candy. It looks pretty impressive, that long line of shoes full of goodies. And this year there were ten shoes in a row!

The little kids were so excited that they started lining their shoes up on December 1^st. No one was more excited than Joshua. We had to explain to him over and over all about the letters and candy. The more excited he got the wilder he got. He was spending most of his time in time-out. Then he refused to stay in time-out and Mom or Dad had to hold him – tightly- while he kicked and screamed and thrashed around until he decided he was ready to settle down. He didn't seem to believe us when we told him that Santa wouldn't bring him anything. By St. Nicholas Eve Josh was totally out of control. He slugged poor Anna every time she was in the same room. He tore up a book. He pounded on the piano. He knocked over chairs. He yelled. He threw his toys. He slammed doors. He sassed, he spit, he swore.

Finally Mom, who was holding him in her arms while he hollered told him, “Joshua, I am very sorry. Until you stop hurting others, you will lose all special privileges.” I don't think he understood what she said, but he did get very quiet when she set him down and took his shoe from the line in front of the Christmas tree. Later, after he'd been sent to bed, I saw him sneak out of his room and carefully put his shoe back.

We woke up early the next morning and St Nicholas had come. We all hurried to claim our shoes. We were noisily exclaiming over our bounty when we noticed Joshua. It got very quiet. Joshua looked at the shoe in his hands. It was empty. He held it up to his face and peered inside. He turned it upside down and shook it. He reached his hand in – all the way. Then he looked at us. His face crumpled and he sobbed and sobbed. I was about to tell him “I told you so,” when I saw Anna. She held out her hands to Joshua. Her arms bore the scratches and bruises that were Josh's signature. In one hand she held her candy cane and the other hand was full of bright foil wrapped chocolates.

“Don't cry, Joshua, you can have mine.”

Before the tears had dried on his face, Joshua's shoe was overflowing as we each shared, even Amber. He grinned happily as he counted his candy, but sometimes he would stop and look at Anna with a puzzled expression.

I wish I could say that Joshua's heart “grew three sizes that day.” He didn't change much, not right away. But I think we changed. You can't love someone, really love someone, whether they're nice or not, without that love blessing you.

And when it is hardest to love a person and you love them anyway, really love them, that love changes you. Joshua not only had never had a real Christmas before, he'd never really been loved before. But that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it!

Merry Christmas.

Brittney called to serve???

Brittney has been called to serve in the Argentina Buenos Aires west mission! She leaves April 4 and will be speaking Spanish!

Wow Brittney you are in for an amazing 18 months. I'm going to miss you sooo much! At least you will get to speak in you native tongue.

Can you believe that I will have 2 siblings out on a mission at the same time! I keep bouncing between totally psyched and super nervous. I don't think 2 years has ever seemed so long before.

Called to Serve???

Dominic has been called to serve in the Texas Lubbock mission! He leaves for the MTC February 29th.

Congratulations Dom! I can't believe you are already old enough to go on a mission. I'm going to miss you lots and lots.